Imagine you walk into an ice cream shop with 50 flavors, but the server steers you toward vanilla. From the time you were a kid, your family, friends, and even TV shows praised vanilla as the best choice. You choose vanilla—not because it’s your favorite, but because it’s been reinforced over many years as the “right” choice. Similarly, many of our life decisions, from careers to family roles, are influenced by societal expectations that subtly guide us in certain directions, often without us realizing it. Indeed the assertion is often made that the gender wage gap is due to the choices that women voluntarily make. It is certain that the choices we make do lead to different outcomes, but do women make choices regarding paid, low pay and unpaid work in a vacuum? By the time a woman reaches 18, her choices are the culmination of years of social conditioning. She has heard a lifetime of messages like “women are natural caregivers,” “motherhood is the ultimate fulfillment,” “it is a woman’s duty to prioritize her family,” “women are more nurturing,” “good mothers stay at home with their kids,” “men are better suited for leadership roles,” “a woman’s highest calling is to be a wife and mother,” “men should be the spiritual and financial heads of the household,” “women are helpers,” “behind every successful man is a strong woman,” “children need their mother,” “work within the home is a God-given duty” and similar sentiments that define a “good woman.” So the question is, do women tend to work in the home unpaid, or enter lower-paid, female-dominated fields at higher rates due to their own free choice? Is it free choice if a person is unaware of the many sources of influence affecting that choice? Is it free choice if a person does not understand the risks incurred by that choice?

Utah is frequently described as one of the most family-oriented states in the U.S., largely due to its strong cultural and religious influences. While many Utahns genuinely do value parenting and find it deeply fulfilling, the challenge arises when societal expectations leave women in a more vulnerable position in society. For example, for families with a female householder, the poverty rate was 23.4 percent in 2020, compared to the poverty rate for families with a male householder at 11.4 percent (Census Bureau, 2020). Additionally, in 2016, 46.9% of Utah female-headed households in Utah with related children under age 5 were living in poverty (Madsen & Scribner, 2016). In 2022, the median earnings for full-time, year-round male workers was about $10,000 higher than the median earnings for full-time, year-round female workers (Census Bureau, 2023). In societies that expect women to do the primary share of caring for children and maintaining the home, it’s critical to consider the vulnerabilities that this type of unpaid work imposes on women. For example, women who are dependent on a partner’s income are more financially vulnerable, especially in the cases of divorce, partner’s job loss, disability and death. These women are also more likely to stay in an abusive relationship for financial reasons (Connor, 2013-2014). Because women typically spend less years working for pay, or in lower paying flexible jobs to care for children and elderly relatives, they are 80 percent more likely than men to be impoverished at age 65 and older (National Institute, 2016), and widowed women are twice as likely to be living in poverty than their male counterparts (National Institute, 2016).

Many argue that the gender disparities are due to women’s choices, but what about men’s choices? Men often choose to adhere to and perpetuate gender roles that define men as leaders, providers and women as primary caregivers. By doing so, they not only limit their own engagement in family life but also restrict women’s economic outcomes. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle where women are expected to prioritize family and accept lower-paying, flexible jobs, or unpaid work in the home to accommodate these societal norms. By choosing not to take on equal caregiving and domestic responsibilities, men limit women’s options. When men dominate high-paying fields, leadership positions, and workplace policies, they make choices that maintain an environment where women are pressured into lower-paying and unpaid roles. When seemingly “freely made” choices leave women, in general, more vulnerable and with less power in society and relationships, we have to ask: is this really free choice, or the result of systems designed to uphold gender hierarchies and serve a capitalist economy? A common example is the choice to prioritize a male partner’s education and career. This often limits a woman’s opportunities and autonomy, making her income the first to be sacrificed when deciding who stays home. This ignores the fact that her earning potential was likely already constrained by systemic factors, creating a cycle that perpetuates gender disparities. While some claim women and men simply have different priorities, these “preferences” are not inherently neutral—they’re shaped by deeply ingrained gender socialization. Rather than viewing women’s decisions in isolation, we must examine how men’s decisions—and the structures that reward them—shape the conditions under which women choose.